I used to weigh about 25 to 30 pounds more than I do right now. I used to eat lots of cheese covered enchilada casserole and ice cream. Late at night. I used to be shocked when my clothes didn’t fit any more.
During the days of the extra weight, I felt trapped and stuck in a life that didn’t inspire me. I was a new mom, I worked full time, and I also experienced a lot of anger and overwhelm. My life looked nothing or felt nothing like what I once believed was possible. It seemed like every second of my time was accounted for, my partner and I fought frequently, and I felt like I had “settled” for a responsible and secure career. I was mad that my time with my young son felt so limited and unrewarding. I felt hopeless. My body felt heavy and shameful. I honestly didn’t know how to do better for myself.
I spent many years loosing and gaining that extra weight. I ran marathons, I did juice fasting, 5 am workouts, accountability buddies, etc… but, nothing really worked for the long term. I struggled to feel happy, whole, and light again. Even though I was proud of my running, juicing, and workouts, I was also pissed and freaked out that I couldn’t seem to get back in touch with the slenderized, strong, and mentally abundant version of myself.
Do you want to know what changed things for me? I fell in love, and then bought a Vitamix. Okay, seriously though, it was the birth of my daughter that put me on a different path. I grew a new and powerful motivation, I had clear WHY which was motivated a large change the way I approached food and my body. My WHY was so clear and the pounds literally melted off. It became ridiculously easy to make these changes.
My WHY was my baby daughter’s future relationship with her body. I decided that there was one legacy that I was NOT going to leave her, and that was the legacy of a mother who hated her body. It is not okay for my daughter to think it is normal to hate your body, and I do not want to ever model that for her.
My lifestyle choices and culinary choices became so much more clear- learn nutrition, eat more vegetables, limit empty calories, and keep moving and loving my body. I stopped eating buttery waffles for breakfast and learned to love green smoothies. I limited how much rice I would eat with dinner and added more vegetables. It was so simple to eat and live this way, when I was on a mission. My body loved being treated this way. With the weight loss, I developed the positive inertia to address my other frustrations.
Fast forward to now. The weight has stayed off, mostly, yet the resolve has changed. While my daughter inspires me everyday, I have changed. It is time to grow a new why. Weight loss and positive body image is no longer my first priority. My newest goal is about creating a lifestyle and schedule that allows for more joy and spontaneity, one that allows me to be the mom and business owner of my dreams- active, flexible, creative, and full of self esteem and energy.
As I write this and I slowly breathe in and ask myself, what is my true authentic “why?” What will push me beyond where I am at right now? Why should I get off coffee? Why should I put the effort into detoxing? Why should I share my thoughts and vulnerability? Why should I put myself out there, again and again?
As I can best say it right now, my WHY is about fully showing up in life. No more hiding behind being too busy, too old, or too inexperienced. It is time to stop giving myself the boring old message that I am not good enough. It is time to show myself more love, through food, water, exercise, and self care. It is time to be my own best friend. It is time to share my journey.
How about you? What is your why? Has it changed over the past years? How can your self-care be of service to the ones you love? Are you a good friend to yourself?
I’d love to hear from you. Please comment and share.